What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my shit smells like andre
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
