so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
