I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
