considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
