Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my shit smells like andre
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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