if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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