The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
