no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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