I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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