So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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