My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
