Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
