Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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