Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I pour the whiskey from now on
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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