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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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