why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
