It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
