the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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