An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
