Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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