How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
