do herpes really smell.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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