My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
