walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
pray to the hookup gods
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
