On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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