I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
