It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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