She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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