Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think your dad took our porno
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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