My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
