3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
