I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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