my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
