dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
