That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
