just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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