Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
