There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
