third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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