at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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