We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
