I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
