just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
