so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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