i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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