you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
