I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
