How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
