I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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