I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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