she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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