I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
bring money and cleavage
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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