you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
