birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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