I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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