okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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