OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
