I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
