We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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