He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Drake has all the answers
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
