Betty ford says i'm here all night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
