i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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