if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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